Knowing Who I Have Become

A while ago, I had a dream about my dragon guide that I didn’t appear in (which is a first) where my dragon guide implied that it is time to know who I am because I do not know who I have become.

Needless to say, what my dragon guide said in that dream (even though I’ve taken it with a substantial grain of salt) has led me to ponder and wonder about who I am – and who I have become – a little bit.

Do I really know who I have become?  I do feel that I know who I have become, but only to a certain extent; I consider the things about me that have stayed with me throughout the years to be parts of who I have become, but I feel that they don’t make up everything regarding who I have become.  At the same time, I feel that who I have become up to this point in my life may change in the future; I know that who I have become has changed over time, as I’m not the same person that I was five years ago.  Furthermore, I feel that I’m still becoming who I am – and I feel that there are some things about who I have become (if not who I am becoming) that I have yet to discover.

Does this mean that it is time to know who I am?  It’s honestly hard for me to say with certainty, let alone know.  I feel that knowing who I am is a journey that I am still on and that I am not even close to finishing yet.

What exactly is my dragon guide referring to with regards to who I have become?  Is he referring to who I have become in terms of my personal identity?  Is he referring to who I have become spiritually?  Is he referring to who I have become in terms of my potential?  It’s hard for me to say, let alone have any idea, at the moment.  I can only hope that what my dragon guide is referring to with regards to who I have become is something that will be revealed in time.

Without How to Train Your Dragon...

Looking back on things a bit here, I’m so glad and grateful that I watched the film How to Train Your Dragon and got into the How to Train Your Dragon fandom last year.  If I hadn’t done both of those things, then several things wouldn’t have happened.

I wouldn’t have found a film that had a tie with Dragonheart as my favorite film about dragons.

I wouldn’t have found the blog of Toothless the Nightfury/usertoothless (which I found only thanks to someone on a forum site that I’m a member of who is a fan of How to Train Your Dragon) – and I wouldn’t have subsequently created my Disqus account to comment on said blog and chatted with other How to Train Your Dragon fans.

I wouldn’t have joined the How to Train Your Dragon Wiki (though I haven’t really been active on it because I tend to forget about it).

I wouldn’t have joined Berk’s Grapevine and met the wonderful people on there – and I wouldn’t have subsequently chatted with some of those people on Skype.

I wouldn’t have watched a few episodes of the series Dragons:  Riders of Berk (I would’ve watched more episodes of it, but I lost interest in it after a while due to being busy with other things).

I wouldn’t have watched How to Train Your Dragon 2 – a truly amazing sequel that exceeded my expectations when it comes to sequels – while it was in theaters – and I wouldn’t have subsequently found a film that had a three-way tie with How to Train Your Dragon and Dragonheart as my favorite film about dragons.

I wouldn’t have watched the shorts Gift of the Night Fury (which I really like) and Dawn of the Dragon Racers (which I found to be disappointing, especially after watching How to Train Your Dragon 2).

I wouldn’t have gotten into John Powell’s music a bit (especially since I hadn’t heard of John Powell at all before I heard of How to Train Your Dragon).

I wouldn’t have had all of the HTTYD-related dreams that I’ve had so far (some of which – a few of the ones that have had my dragon guide in them – have led to me wondering about who I am a bit more).

And, of course, I wouldn’t have started my own blog about How to Train Your Dragon and dragons (especially since the blog of Toothless the Nightfury/usertoothless inspired me to create said blog).

Needless to say, I owe the film How to Train Your Dragon quite a bit in my life.  :)

Is it really time?

Is it really time to know who I am?

This is a question that’s been going through my head since I’ve had my first few dreams of my dragon guide telling me that it is time to know who I am.  Even though he has told me this more often in my dreams over time, I’ve thought a bit about it, I haven’t really pondered over it, and I haven’t taken his advice and sought out more about myself.  It’s not that I don’t believe him (seeing as I do have the tendency to take the things that he tells me about myself with a substantial grain of salt), but that I’ve been rather busy with other things that I consider to be more important.

Up until I started having dreams of my dragon guide telling me that it is time to know who I am last year, I’ve never really thought about when it’s time to know who I am.  There are some things that I have found out about myself through the years (I’ve found out that I really like writing poetry, for example), but I feel that such things haven’t had too much of an impact when it comes to knowing who I am – I feel that they’re just little bits and pieces (some of which are bigger than others, but still).  I feel that knowing who I am is something deep that I haven’t begun to scratch the surface of yet, as I feel that I’m still looking for who I am and I feel that there’s something in me that’s missing (and that I have yet to discover, I might add).

If now is the time to know who I am after all, when – and how – will the knowledge of who I am come to me?  I do understand that knowing who I am is something that I will have to work out myself (as opposed to relying on my dragon guide for it).  Still, when would it be good for me to work out knowing who I am – and how should I work out knowing who I am?

If now is not the time to know who I am after all, when is the time to know who I am?  Is it sometime in the near future?  Is it sometime in the distant future?  Is it sometime when I’ll least expect it?  I strongly feel that it’s not in the past; if it was in the past, I likely wouldn’t have the feelings about it that I have now.

On a final note, I’ve recently thought of a couple of questions regarding this.  Does my dragon guide mean that it is time to know who I am as a person?  Or does my dragon guide mean that it is time to know who I am spiritually?  I don’t know, but I can only hope that the answers to these questions will come in time.

A How to Train Your Dragon Marathon

I’m glad to say that last week, two of my friends and I made up for the How to Train Your Dragon marathon that got canceled at the last minute on the one-year anniversary of the release of How to Train Your Dragon 2.  It went a little different than originally planned, though.

Happy How to Train Your Dragon 2 Day!

Happy How to Train Your Dragon 2 Day!  It’s hard to believe that it’s been one year since How to Train Your Dragon 2 was released in the United States.  Still, it’s one of my favorite films and my feelings about it haven’t changed since the first time that I watched it.

How am I celebrating this day?  Well, my original plan was to have two of my friends over, eat pizza, and watch How to Train Your Dragon and How to Train Your Dragon 2 back-to-back (because one of said friends hasn’t watched How to Train Your Dragon yet) – and I had all that planned one-and-a-half weeks in advance.  We were going to do it all in the evening, so I spent the day doing other things (surfing the Internet, writing part of a poem that I've been working on, and listening to music in particular).  Sadly, at the last minute, I found out that my friends weren’t feeling well, so my original plan to celebrate this day ended up not happening.  We plan on making up for it on a later day, though.

Even though my original plan to celebrate this day ended up not happening in the end, I’m still going to celebrate it by watching How to Train Your Dragon 2.  :)